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Being mindful of positive parenting when going through a divorce

The decision to file for divorce is rarely an easy one to make, even when you know it is right. You may begin to doubt your own abilities to make sound choices, select trust worthy friends and even be a good parent. Yeah, it can be a tough time, but there is no pause button on your role as a parent.

While sorting through the legal proceedings and injured feelings between you and your ex, try to remember that your kids need your best effort to bring them through the uncertain waters of a new family structure.

Simply acknowledging the fact that things have the potential to get rough can help you avoid confrontations that can have a harmful effect on the little ones. Yeah, those little sponges who seem to soak up everything around them, especially in divorce. Here are a few tips for making things easier on everyone.

Share your feelings

You might think that showing sadness or anger in front of your children will simply upset them. Unfortunately, young children cannot perceive the cause of emotions and often create stories to that explain your upset actions or emotions, leading to more misunderstanding.

Of course, you will have to consider the child's age and maturity when forming a discussion, but it is okay to say you are sad, upset about something or will miss part of your life. You do not have to be too specific, but you can help reassure them that they aren't the problem.

By sharing your feelings, you validate your child's churning emotions and they will be more likely to unburden their confusion and turmoil with you. It's time to communicate.

Take the negative words out

Chances are that if you divorce, you are angry at your ex on some level. It is part of the painful process of severing any relationship. However, spewing venomous words about your ex-partner in front of your children can damage their relationship with both of you.

Help the family remain as respectful of each other for the best possible future. When you need to get the anger off your chest, do it out of the home, away from the kids and with a trusted friend. Even when you are not shouting at a child, they will often reinterpret the shouting as something for which they are at fault. It's time to take the noise out of the home.

Acknowledge your child's grief

It may be true that ultimately you and your child will be better off in the end by leaving the current domestic situation. As the adult, you will be able to recognize that truth much sooner than a child.

They will still grieve for the loss of their two-parent household, friends if you move and school if they have to switch. It is crucial that you permit them to talk about what is upsetting them.

In a new home environment, try to find some semblance of normal through maintaining some of the same rituals. Perhaps start new ones, such as taking time to exchange "good news" every day with one another.

You probably won't look back at the divorce as the best time of your family's life. With compassion and a mindful approach to communication, your children can grow with both of their parents in as positive a relationship as possible. It's their happiness now and in the future you are concerned about for them.

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